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Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The Valley of Death

I'm sure this title perplexed you. 
Really, Aeron?
What a morbid title.
Valley of death?
Let me rewind this weekend and explain myself.

I sit here in the other side of my phone,
In my bedroom ,
Laying on the floor,
Writing to you.
Feeling incredibly moved.

Trying to find the right words.
But I will just let them flow.

The past two days I have been given the 
Opportunity to listen and soak in amazing
Messages from women of faith in Dallas, TX.

Now let me backtrack a day before, Thursday.
I had suffered from an agonizing work week
And admitingly allowed Satan to feel my mind with lies.

"Don't go this weekend.".."you shouldn't spend
The money."..."it's not worth your time"
..."you're too tired!".

It almost worked.
I almost fail for it!
A magnet drew me in.. 
A longing..
wasn't sure what for.
But knew my search had drawn a map
Leading to Women of Faith.

So I go.

Fast forward to last night.
In a room filled with over ten thousand
Lots of estrogen.
And Texas big hair.
And emotion...
That was soon to be read on my face.

All it took was the first song. 
Amazing Grace.
I was done.

All I needed was the first five minutes. 
Well honestly, 30 seconds.. to be

God knows my heart too well,
Better than I.

He knew I needed to spill.
And He knew that is all it would take.

Does He not know the very hairs on my head?

Today continued with emotion
And Truth.

What truth?

I'm going to get very raw and real
With you.
I've been living in a pit, 
Of sorrow 
and pity.

A place called the valley of death.

One I fell into 7 months ago when I watched
My grandma leave this life ,
Literally in my arms as she laid
On her cold bedroom floor.

Too long I have set grasping the grass in front of her grave,
Week after week,
Pleading her forgiveness for not being able to save her...
Saying "sorry grandma"
 as I let the belief
I had even a slight control over her life.
(More lies from the enemy.)

This is My valley of death.

I have been lived in fear..
Fear I would never be able to recover from the day I watched her die.

The enemy sure does love it.
He knows my weakness too.

He also knows we cannot have fear and faith at the same time.

We have to choose.
And if I choose fear and not faith how can I walk with God??
In order to walk with God I must have faith, Right?
Which means I shall not fear.
 Seems contradicting to be walking with a God
And be afraid.
Ummm ya.

One guy asked us a question this morning...

If you were  completely and truly confident God was with you, would it change the way you lived?

Got me there.

Do I truly believe God can feel my soul and mind with lovely and Godly beauty instead of these Lies?
Instead of seeing grandma in those last moments
Could I see her baking in the kitchen,
Wrapping Christmas presents for her grandbabies,
Making her famous biscuits?
 And not falter to the enemy
Who constantly taunts me,
Telling me,
"You were not fast enough."..
"You could have saved her, but 
You didn't try hard enough."
"Did you really fight for her life?".

This weekend I realized my mistake.
I've been sitting in the valley
Believing lies.. Believing the liar.

Christine Caine, one amazing woman,
 shared today
This very profound  statement..
I will place and lock in my heart.
The Bible says, "As I walk through the valley of death,
I shall fear no evil."
Then she went on to explain.
" notice this 'walk through!' Walk through the valley!".
Not sit down!
Not park!
Walk through!

Yes, I promise you will suffer heartache
In this life.

Did God not tell us the truth when He said this life
Will a journey.
There will be valleys.

Just don't sit and make camp in them!
That's what I did.
I pitched my tent.
Right in front of grandma's grave.

I do believe it is OK to hurt,
To cry.
Don't allow it to immobilize you though.

Satan loves isolation.
He loves to make you feel alone.
Like you're the only one that life has not turned out well for.
He wants you to be paralyzed by your 
He wants nothing more than for you to give up on life!

But you know what he hates??...
A faith transcending all lies!
The faith , the BELIEF,
God is walking in the valley too. 
Giving you bravery 
And confidence.
A God Escorting us to the other side.
Holding our hand.
Or even picking up our tent we set up 
and saying
" hey, walk through this with me."

Its funny when I choose to believe God
Of the liar.
I'm at a place of peace.

So I urge you if you are in the valley
Make a choice
To walk and not sit.
To believe truth.
To see the light.
I'm sure when you do choose to
Walk this valley, with God,
(Because I believe 
We are in the valley every
Day until we go home)
 there is a rainbow right over the peak of the mountain.
Don't give up. 
Jesus' sacrifice was not in vain,
It was too precious.

You are worthy.
You. Are. Loved.

So to answer the question again,
 If I was truly confident God
Was with me,
 would it change the way
I live?

Because HE is with me.
I believe it.
Already He is
changing the way I live.
He has made me braver than I was 48 hours ago.

I have shared more and been more vulnerable
In this post than imagined.

I know my confidence now lies in Him.

I know not who I am but whose I am.
I know I am nothing alone, 
But everything with Him.

And the enemy can take 
that truth,
Put it in his pipe
and smoke it.

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