Contentment

 

I regret it has been two months since my last post.

A lot of incredible things have happened

in my life and I hate I have not shared them.

For so long I found my blogs to be mournful

and those "feel sorry for myself"

type of songs.

It is not the Aeron I like to be.

I went on an adventure of a lifetime in July.

I spent almost two weeks in Italy.

I traveled Cinque Terre, Florence and Rome.

Can you say, amazing right!?

I will post more on this later.

To more important things going on in my head lately.

Contentment.

I went for a little stroll yesterday afternoon.

I decided to finally spend some

quiet time, just God and me.

I walked a mile down the road and sat on a bridge.

I dived into the Bible and found myself in John.

I usually find myself reading there.

John 8:32 stood out.

"Then you will know the truth..

and the truth will set you free."

What is the truth?

The truth I believe Jesus was speaking of,

was Him.

Once you know Jesus is the Son of God,

you will know the truth, right?

..But what is the truth in my life,

that sets me free??

I feel fake.

..Sometimes, I feel I live a double life.

I am happy, free, go-lucky and adventurous.

..But on the inside there is turmoil.

I question who I am.

Do I really know me?

Will I ever be content?

A part of me feels all over the board with my thoughts.

I pray and ask God for things,

He answers and I usually get them.

However, I am never fully satisfied.

So then I ask myself, is this what I really wanted?

Do I know what I want?

I guess the better question is,

do I know what I need?

I need God that is for sure.

I talked for a good bit this morning with a doll of a friend.

She is a missionary in the Philippines and I adore her.

She put it like this,

"No, we will never be fully satisfied with what God

gives us. We will only be content with Him.

He wants us to seek Him. We cannot find full

contentment any all the worldly, tangible things.

Only in Him will we find our full

satisfaction."

Wow, she is right.

I think that is what my heart was leading me to yesterday.

After all the years' events that have tossed my heart in muck,

I have had happiness beyond measure the past few months..

only it was still not enough, because God was not the center of my focus.

He was definitely in the midst of my blessings,

but I set Him aside.

Last night was one of the best nights of sleep for me.

I went to bed satisfied and content,

because the last thing I did was pray.

I used the analogy this morning, telling my dear friend.

It is like eating healthy and exercising.

I put it off,

sometimes dread it,

or 'I don't have time',

but then when I do eat right and exercise I feel amazing!..

thinking, " wow, why have I not started this sooner

or why did I ever stop in the first place?".

We're human.

I am so human, I keep playing trial and error it seems.

But I am back running again,

literally and spiritually..

running after God.

Exercising my body and mind,

and it feels wonderful!

John 8:12

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said,

"I am the light of the world.

Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness,

but will have the light of life."

...and more thoughts to come sooner than two months down the road.