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Tuesday, September 23, 2014


Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. 
1 Peter 5:7

We all long to feel wanted. 
A longing
And desire to be needed.
It is engineered into us.
..or at least in me.

Someone came to me today.
.. in desperation they shared deep hurt.
This person is coming from a place of fear
One put there by the only person who
Wants us to be pulled away from God.

I can't share the intimate details.. 
but it was bittersweet....
I should tell you I was shocked this person came to me.

I listened intently, but couldn't help but think,
Who am I?

I never thought God could use me in this way, for this person.

I not only grew today, but learned God uses us when we least expect.
And trust me
this was out of the blue.

But the more important matter is this person. ..
They needed me...
a listening ear,
a prayer,
a hug,
all of it
I gave them.

And what a wonderful fulfillment for me and hopefully them too. I can't speak for them though.
I do know they are coming back tomorrow for more prayer.
I'm elated.

Our relationship has already grown tenfold 
because we shared a spiritual moment with God together. 
We bonded more due to a need being fulfilled in a vulnerable moment..
And it made my mind start curiously wondering...
Is this a tad bit of what our relationship with God feels like?

We are hurt, beaten and alone.. 
and we come to Him in a different way than before.
A desperation of 'we can't do it alone'.

The comfort He gives creates a stronger bond 
and our link with him starts to build... 
And we find ourselves wanting more 
..yearning for a deeper relationship with the one who can share the light!
God wants to feel needed. 
He must be needed.
I know I love to be needed.
It is what fuels me.
I enjoy days like today.

Mother Teresa says to serve to the point of hurting.
And then sometimes honestly my exhaust comes quick.  
I've worked a long day, taught needy kids all day, made dinner, cleaned clothes, a
nd I'm called to do the dishes but I'm just done..
.I wish I could say I do it all, but I'm far from perfect.

God never grows weary of doing it all for us,
To us,
serving us,
giving to our every need and plea.

I strive to be More like Him.
It's a work in progress.
But I'm thankful He is using me in little ways for now.

All I know is I need Him..
More than anyone.
I am crazy about Him.
My life would be full of darkness,
Bumping into all sorts of walls.
Thank you God for being a God
Who longs to be

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Near the brokenhearted.

My heart is broken.

For months my mama has been visiting a friend with cancer.
She lost her battle last night, 
but won the fight for God.
I know, like Grandma, she is at rest with our ultimate
But, she has young children, a young girl,
20 years old,
who will now have to live without her mama.
All I want to do at this very moment is
wrap my arms around her 
precious daughter and share tears with her.
I cannot help but think of my Grandma.
The feeling when I finally knew she went home
and how I wanted her with me and not with God.
The feeling is unlike any you will ever know,

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Losing Yourself.

Who said losing was bad?

First I need to apologize for all the grammatical errors in my post yesterday.
I wrote it in haste.

Let me refocus.
I teach 5th graders, so I bunny trail like my 
students sometimes.

Losing loved ones.
Losing money.
Losing your home.
This is NOT the losing I want to share with you.
This kind of loss is hard, it's life, but still hard.

I'm talking about a different kind of lost today.

Losing yourself.
Yesterday, I wrote about how sometimes I 
feel fake.
Like I really don't know me.
I'm here to say I realized last night
I don't want to know me!

"What!?", you may be thinking.

It is the truth!
I give up on knowing me.
..and this is why.

I read something very profound last night,  by C.S. Lewis,
in his book Mere Christianity ,
about losing yourself.

It is incredible.

"Our real, new self 
(which is Christ's and also yours, and yours just because it is His) 
will not come as long as you are looking for it. 

It will come when you are looking for Him. 

Does that sound strange? 

The same principle holds, you know, 
for more everyday matters.
Even in social life, 
you will never make a good impression on other people 
until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. 

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about 
will ever be original 
whereas if you simply try to tell the truth 
you will, 
nine times out of ten, 
become original without ever having noticed it. 

The principle runs through all life from top to bottom, 

Give up yourself, 
and you will find your real self. 

Lose your life and you will save it. 

Submit to death, 
death of your ambitions and favorite wishes 
every day 
and death of your whole body in the end submit 
with every fibre of your being,
and you will find eternal life. 

Keep back nothing. 

Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. 

Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. 

Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only
hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. 

But look for Christ 
and you will find Him,
and with Him everything else thrown in.”
 Wait, doesn't Matthew say something about this too?
Matthew 10:39
Those who find their lives will lose them, 
and those who lose their lives 
because of me will find them. 

I really have nothing more to say,
The Bible and Lewis say it all... right there.
Lose yourself,
and you will find God.

Strive to know Thee,
not me.

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Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The Valley of Death

I'm sure this title perplexed you. 
Really, Aeron?
What a morbid title.
Valley of death?
Let me rewind this weekend and explain myself.

I sit here in the other side of my phone,
In my bedroom ,
Laying on the floor,
Writing to you.
Feeling incredibly moved.

Trying to find the right words.
But I will just let them flow.

The past two days I have been given the 
Opportunity to listen and soak in amazing
Messages from women of faith in Dallas, TX.

Now let me backtrack a day before, Thursday.
I had suffered from an agonizing work week
And admitingly allowed Satan to feel my mind with lies.

"Don't go this weekend.".."you shouldn't spend
The money."..."it's not worth your time"
..."you're too tired!".

It almost worked.
I almost fail for it!
A magnet drew me in.. 
A longing..
wasn't sure what for.
But knew my search had drawn a map
Leading to Women of Faith.

So I go.

Fast forward to last night.
In a room filled with over ten thousand
Lots of estrogen.
And Texas big hair.
And emotion...
That was soon to be read on my face.

All it took was the first song. 
Amazing Grace.
I was done.

All I needed was the first five minutes. 
Well honestly, 30 seconds.. to be

God knows my heart too well,
Better than I.

He knew I needed to spill.
And He knew that is all it would take.

Does He not know the very hairs on my head?

Today continued with emotion
And Truth.

What truth?

I'm going to get very raw and real
With you.
I've been living in a pit, 
Of sorrow 
and pity.

A place called the valley of death.

One I fell into 7 months ago when I watched
My grandma leave this life ,
Literally in my arms as she laid
On her cold bedroom floor.

Too long I have set grasping the grass in front of her grave,
Week after week,
Pleading her forgiveness for not being able to save her...
Saying "sorry grandma"
 as I let the belief
I had even a slight control over her life.
(More lies from the enemy.)

This is My valley of death.

I have been lived in fear..
Fear I would never be able to recover from the day I watched her die.

The enemy sure does love it.
He knows my weakness too.

He also knows we cannot have fear and faith at the same time.

We have to choose.
And if I choose fear and not faith how can I walk with God??
In order to walk with God I must have faith, Right?
Which means I shall not fear.
 Seems contradicting to be walking with a God
And be afraid.
Ummm ya.

One guy asked us a question this morning...

If you were  completely and truly confident God was with you, would it change the way you lived?

Got me there.

Do I truly believe God can feel my soul and mind with lovely and Godly beauty instead of these Lies?
Instead of seeing grandma in those last moments
Could I see her baking in the kitchen,
Wrapping Christmas presents for her grandbabies,
Making her famous biscuits?
 And not falter to the enemy
Who constantly taunts me,
Telling me,
"You were not fast enough."..
"You could have saved her, but 
You didn't try hard enough."
"Did you really fight for her life?".

This weekend I realized my mistake.
I've been sitting in the valley
Believing lies.. Believing the liar.

Christine Caine, one amazing woman,
 shared today
This very profound  statement..
I will place and lock in my heart.
The Bible says, "As I walk through the valley of death,
I shall fear no evil."
Then she went on to explain.
" notice this 'walk through!' Walk through the valley!".
Not sit down!
Not park!
Walk through!

Yes, I promise you will suffer heartache
In this life.

Did God not tell us the truth when He said this life
Will a journey.
There will be valleys.

Just don't sit and make camp in them!
That's what I did.
I pitched my tent.
Right in front of grandma's grave.

I do believe it is OK to hurt,
To cry.
Don't allow it to immobilize you though.

Satan loves isolation.
He loves to make you feel alone.
Like you're the only one that life has not turned out well for.
He wants you to be paralyzed by your 
He wants nothing more than for you to give up on life!

But you know what he hates??...
A faith transcending all lies!
The faith , the BELIEF,
God is walking in the valley too. 
Giving you bravery 
And confidence.
A God Escorting us to the other side.
Holding our hand.
Or even picking up our tent we set up 
and saying
" hey, walk through this with me."

Its funny when I choose to believe God
Of the liar.
I'm at a place of peace.

So I urge you if you are in the valley
Make a choice
To walk and not sit.
To believe truth.
To see the light.
I'm sure when you do choose to
Walk this valley, with God,
(Because I believe 
We are in the valley every
Day until we go home)
 there is a rainbow right over the peak of the mountain.
Don't give up. 
Jesus' sacrifice was not in vain,
It was too precious.

You are worthy.
You. Are. Loved.

So to answer the question again,
 If I was truly confident God
Was with me,
 would it change the way
I live?

Because HE is with me.
I believe it.
Already He is
changing the way I live.
He has made me braver than I was 48 hours ago.

I have shared more and been more vulnerable
In this post than imagined.

I know my confidence now lies in Him.

I know not who I am but whose I am.
I know I am nothing alone, 
But everything with Him.

And the enemy can take 
that truth,
Put it in his pipe
and smoke it.


I regret it has been two months since my last post.
A lot of incredible things have happened
in my life and I hate I have not shared them.
For so long I found my blogs to be mournful
and those "feel sorry for myself"
type of songs.
It is not the Aeron I like to be.

I went on an adventure of a lifetime in July.
I spent almost two weeks in Italy.
I traveled Cinque Terre, Florence and Rome.
Can you say, amazing right!?
I will post more on this later.
To more important things going on in my head lately.

I went for a little stroll yesterday afternoon.
I decided to finally spend some
quiet time, just God and me.
I walked a mile down the road and sat on a bridge.
I dived into the Bible and found myself in John.
I usually find myself reading there.
John 8:32 stood out.

"Then you will know the truth..
and the truth will set you free."

What is the truth?
The truth I believe Jesus was speaking of,
was Him.
Once you know Jesus is the Son of God,
you will know the truth, right?

..But what is the truth in my life,
that sets me free??

I feel fake.
..Sometimes, I feel I live a double life.
I am happy, free, go-lucky and adventurous.
..But on the inside there is turmoil.
I question who I am.
Do I really know me?
Will I ever be content?

A part of me feels all over the board with my thoughts.
I pray and ask God for things,
He answers and I usually get them.
However, I am never fully satisfied.
So then I ask myself, is this what I really wanted?
Do I know what I want?
I guess the better question is,
do I know what I need?

I need God that is for sure.
I talked for a good bit this morning with a doll of a friend.
She is a missionary in the Philippines and I adore her.
She put it like this,
"No, we will never be fully satisfied with what God
gives us. We will only be content with Him.
He wants us to seek Him. We cannot find full
contentment any all the worldly, tangible things.
Only in Him will we find our full

Wow, she is right.

I think that is what my heart was leading me to yesterday.

After all the years' events that have tossed my heart in muck,
I have had happiness beyond measure the past few months..
only it was still not enough, because God was not the center of my focus.
He was definitely in the midst of my blessings,
but I set Him aside.

Last night was one of the best nights of sleep for me.
I went to bed satisfied and content,
because the last thing I did was pray.

I used the analogy this morning, telling my dear friend.
It is like eating healthy and exercising.
I put it off,
sometimes dread it,
or 'I don't have time',
but then when I do eat right and exercise I feel amazing!..
thinking, " wow, why have I not started this sooner
or why did I ever stop in the first place?".

We're human.
I am so human, I keep playing trial and error it seems.

But I am back running again,
literally and spiritually..
running after God.
Exercising my body and mind,
and it feels wonderful!

John 8:12
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said,
"I am the light of the world.
Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness,
but will have the light of life."

...and more thoughts to come sooner than two months down the road.