Homesick

I come with a humble heart today. I have come to terms with the fact that I am homesick. The nostalgic feeling that overcame me earlier this week when I entered my parent's home. It was the smell of a warm comfort. It is of fall. It takes me back to my early childhood days when my mom would start decorating the house about this time with all her fall decor. It made me  happy, because her Halloween houses would go up and of course since my birthday belongs on that holiday it made me even giddier. It is a feeling I wish I could recapture but perhaps I will get to recreate with my kids one day.

This weekend I had the opportunity to meet one of the most incredible Christian men on the earth, Phil Robertson. I hope you have heard of him. He is the Duck Commander and belongs to the TV series, Duck Dynasty. I attended his small bible study of about 15 people, including most of my family, early Sunday morning at White Ferry Rd. Church in West Monroe, LA. I also got to meet his wife, Miss Kay and oldest son, Alan. They are some of the most down to earth folks you will meet and surely have a love for sharing the Gospel. They inspired me. They have zero inhibitions when it comes to sharing the word, face to face or on TV, it doesn't matter. They are truly messangers of God and using their tools to change America...and perhaps the world too.

After finishing reading Happy, Happy, Happy last night I was overwhelmed. I have spent the past two days wrapped up in Phil's book. It is an incredible journey to read. However, it has made me homesick to be honest. The way he talks about nature and being out in God's creation makes me yearn for it even more. I would say I grew up a fairly outdoorsy girl and as an East Texan did my share of hunting and fishing with my dad. I don't think I appreciated it like I will from here on out. And like Phil, I despise having a cell phone, using a computer as well but I have found it rewarding to reach people through blogging. I hate being married to a phone and wish to divorce it. I would love to go back to the day when the world turned round without it. I had the chance to leave work yesterday for about two hours. In that time I found myself back down the old, familiar country roads I grew up on. I went for a 4 mile run, soaking in all God's beautiful creation Phil spoke of. I find myself a lot like Phil, yearning and homesick, like he was for several years, for the place he felt most at home...outside, in nature. My country roads are Phil's duckblind. We both have a longing for the place where we feel completely connected to God. What a better place, than where you can see Him. I see Him in the trees, in the birds, in the Sun and how it shines through through everything.

His book brought me back to my roots and I am glad it did. I am growing because of it. I am at a better place thanks to it. I owe my gratitudes to Phil and his story.

I know God cares about out my faith, and if I can live out my faith by spending my time out in nature more than that's what I plan to do.

But back to my mom's house, and being homesick. I think I will always be a little homesick. It is not the homesickness of my past but for my future. A homesick feeling for life beyond this one on earth. Homesick for eternity in the clouds, because this place on earth is not my home.

Until then, I will find solice outside, in nature, in God's masterpiece...where my soul can imagine how one day my Home will be with Him.

Sweet Lorraine.

It was one of the most tender moments.

I felt more close to dear Fred after hearing his story.

I want to take just ten minutes of your time today.

Please watch this sweet video below.

I promise it is worth ten minutes of your time.

It is about a sweet man, who lost his wife and wrote a song for her,

titled "Oh Sweet Lorraine".

I quickly downloaded the song after hearing it...

and I cannot stop listening.

What Lasts.

Where do I find my beauty?

Is it in my appearance?

Is it in my soul?

I tossed and turned in my sleep nights ago,

this thought wondering through my mind.

As a teen, I struggled with self esteem.

I constantly compared myself to the girl standing next to me on the cheer-leading squad.

I would measure my beauty to the school's homecoming queen.

I had to have the right hair cut, the perfect shade of blonde, the size 2.

I put too much time and thought into my appearance.

I still do.

I am a lot more comfortable in my skin than 5 years ago.

I spend a lot less time getting ready in the morning, than my regular 2 hours 

back in high school.

No joke.

I learned that if I focused more on my appearance than my heart,

that is all others would see.

That is all I would see of myself.

I don't want to be seen as just a face.

I want to be loved for my heart.

Because one day when I am old and wrinkled,

when the blonde hair has turned to gray,

that is all there will be.

Will I still be loved years from now,

when the looks have faded?

Someone once said, "..do you spend more time in the morning 

getting your spiritual self  prepared or your physical self?".

....

I might not have it all together on the outside,

but I am working to invest more time in my spiritual self.

I wake up, roll over, and I make sure I am staring right at it..

My bible.

I lay it beside me every night before I close my eyes,

and place it on my pillow every day before I go.

So that when my head hits the pillow, it hits my bible first.

The first minutes of my day begins with it and so do the last.

I was told about this trick and trust me, it works.

Will I miss out some days? Of course.

I am in training,

always.

The one thing I know,

and have seen, through my own grandparents..

is that they have true beauty.

The beauty that lies within.

It is what I adore, what God adores.

Hearts that give,

that serve.

Their's is the spiritual beauty I desire.

I want to yearn for what lasts.

Is it not the soul that lasts?

Everything else turns to dust.

I hear it said at every funeral.

The body

....ashes to ashes.

...and dust to dust.

I am glad to have discovered what lasts.

1 Peter 3:4

But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart,

with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit,

which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.

My Heart Still Beats.

Friends, I have regretfully been away too long.

It has been eons since I have set down to thoughtfully share my innermost being.

I cannot share every detail of the past month, for I would be writing a novel.

So many twists and turns have kept me from what I have grown to love

and as a young teen despised, writing.

It is not just the act of writing, but the feeling I get from sharing.

I feel a small release when I write.

The troubles, trials and hurt slightly dissolve away.

And when I share 

I only hope that it might inspire.

That is all I want.

I want to live a life worth inspiring others.

Even if you are the only person..

You, the person sitting on the other side of the screen

right now,

reading this now can have a glimpse into my very soul.

It is almost one year, to date, when I started this blog.

Oh, how it has been a year of growth.

My life, a roller coaster, has had ups and downs.

I have had new relationships form and fail.

I have had new jobs open and close.

I have had new changes created and destroyed.

However, my heart still is open.

It is a heart that thankfully, is alive and beating today.

I am sorry that a series of unfortunate and consuming events have kept me away.

So much is still unwritten.

But joyfully, I am hear again 

to share more of my story,

as it continues to unfold.

And as long as my heart still beats,

because my heart is not my own.

It is God's to use.

So

My heart still beats for those who are lost...

My heart still beats for those who are searching...

My heart still beats for you...

Romans 8:13 {Amplified}

For if you live according to [the dictates of] the flesh,

you will surely die.

But if through the power of the [Holy] Spirit you are [habitually]

putting to death (making extinct, deadening) the [evil] deeds

prompted by the body,

you shall [really and genuinely] 

live forever.