Close My Eyes.

Pain.

 Reality.

 Anger.

All Sets in.

Crashing in all at once I cry for God to take it away.

Yesterday was the hardest day.

As Papaw and I drove home from dinner we reminisced.

I drive as I see him weep for his love.

The hurt is so deep it takes my breath away.

I try sucking back the tears but they flow instead.

I wept.

I know I am missing a big piece of our puzzle and it will never be complete

Until we see her in another world.

The moments of longing feel like an eternity. This has been the longest month of my life.

I miss Grandma.

I miss her so much my heart feels like it will explode.

Last night my mind was wrapped around our last moments.

And

I thought of Jesus and how He brought Lazarus back from the dead.

To have that power..

I would do or give anything to have her back here.

Take it all God, everything I have.

I would sacrifice it all even for a few more minutes with her.

God has given me dreams.

I have dreamed.

Twice.

Twice I have had her in my dreams.

Last night’s dream I clung to her.

I cried desperately in my dream, holding onto her like I never wanted to let go.

I begged her to never leave me….it was so vivid.

It was as real as you and me.

Grief is unexplainable.

I wish I could say it gets easier.

All I want is for things to be as they once were.

I close my eyes and wish it hard.