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Tuesday, May 6, 2014

hope rising up.

la vita e bella.
life is beautiful, in italiano.

A whirlwind of a year it has been...
ups and downs,
loss and heartaches,
grief and hurt,
all great teachers
that have grown my faith.
I once heard that grief is the most powerful teacher,
whoever said this,
was right.
It is.

I thought I had already endured enough in the past
few years to create enough perseverance to
last a lifetime.
Man, was I wrong.

A couple of months ago 
I felt like my hope was slowly disappearing.
I find out my aunt has breast cancer.
4 weeks later I lose Grandma.
A month later Papaw scares me with a late night visit to the hospital.
Two weeks after that we almost lose my uncle.
It just seemed like my family couldn't get a break.
I didn't know if I would ever be 100% again. 
I was waking up thinking, "what will happen next?".
My joy that always felt so apparent 
was gone.

I was not the Aeron that everyone knew.
That God sees.

I honestly felt that I would only ever be 80% of who I once was.
Every now and then something great would happen,
but then I would remember all my sufferings..
....
how Grandma was gone,
and not coming back..
reliving the moment I lay beside her on the 
ground while she took her last breaths.
...This was my thought process.

My 100% was never going to happen.
I hated it.

But something clicked.
I started
listening.
To the right voice.
The one of 
hope,
assurance,
love.

I have stopped listening to the other voice,
the one telling me lies,
and started listening 
to Him.

His voice is so clear..
You are strong.
You are blessed.
You have so much to be thankful for.
You can and will be 100% again.

I believe it.
My joy will not only come back,
but be tenfold.

I feel it.

I have faith that He has a beautiful life ahead of me.
There is no promise there will be no more heartaches.
But I do know I will be stronger because of the trials I have faced.
...and I am grateful.

Hope is rising up in me.

Consider it pure joys, my brothers, when you face trials
of various kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith
produces perseverance.
Perseverance must finish your work 
so it is complete,
lacking in nothing.
James 1.2-4


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2 comments:

  1. Everytime I read your blog I get chills, you hit a home run once again. Boy have I been there, the place where you feel you will never be whole again, its an awful place to be. I've seen first hand beauty come from ashes, hang in there girl, when it happens it will be so worth the wait! Thank you for always encouraging me, I can't tell you how many times I have felt like you've written something just for me!

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  2. I'm so happy for you and that the Lord is renewing hope in you. Going through a hard season can steal the hope we've always had but luckily we have a God of redemption and reconciliation. He will save us from our sorrows :)

    -Katelyn

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