Inner Strength

“You just proved to your body{ies}, through your mind, that you can push yourself further than you thought possible.”
-Lone Survivor

Someone once said, “You can do anything you set your mind to.”

I proved that to myself one year ago, when I ran my first marathon.

Literally, the hardest physically but mostly mentally,

Challenge I have ever persevered.

……

It seems a silly thing….

To believe this bold statement,

“anything you set your mind to”

….

Like a child believes in the tooth fairy.

I am no longer a child,

And found falsehood in this statement.

I debated it.

I loathed it.

I despised it…

……

Once upon a time,

I set out to join the military.

I ‘set my mind’ to achieving this goal.

My heart beat everyday with the yearning for servitude.

..to be draped in the colors of our country,

To sweat,

To bleed,

For our country.

To stand alongside the proud men and women.

My heart still pours out for this desire,

Every.

Single.

Day.

Though now it is safely tucked away,

But still in my heart.

Where hurt can no longer find it,

But every now and then cuts like a knife.

Where desire might have been lost,

But I know can still  be found.

And hope is somewhat small,

But carries a small glimmer

Like a small star in the dark, night sky.

I know it exists, just like the sun rises each morning.

It is a part of me,

Forever.

I know it is what fuels me.

I find strength in my runs.

I find that inner strength more than ever as I reach mile 14, 15, 16..

I set my mind to finishing the race.

24, 25, 26.

My body says no,

But my mind ignores it.

It listens instead,

To the beautiful voice of reason.

The one saying,

You can do this.

You can finish.

You are strong.

…

It is my inner strength.

It is God.

I know that is with God,

 I can run forever.

It is not my muscles doing all the work, but my heart and mind.

I do believe one’s mind can push your body to extremes.

I wish my mind could control the outcomes of my life,

But that is the falsehood that rings true.

Only God plans my life.

It is something so dear, so very precious,

 that is left to my God…

and this is where my mind gets confused with my heart. My heart tells me to trust God..

And I have to trust Him,

But my mind wants to keep pushing for my desires.

I try hard to let go of my bitter anger.

I tell myself time and time again He looks out for me,

But a little of the hurt lingers from my lost dream.

For now, I will thank Him for the inner strength

He gives me every day.

The strength that not only tells my mind, but tells my body I can finish the race.

How beautiful is endurance.

How beautiful is determination.

How beautiful is inner-strength.

How beautiful is love,

For that is what He has and always will,

love me.