Just Ask.

 He was walking slower than the other kids and

falling behind.

I could tell he was trying to keep up,

but he just wasn't capable.

All I wanted to do was carry him....

Gravity

Do you ever have that dream where you are falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? That feels like my life, but in reverse. I have already fallen, and I am being lifted back towards God, but right before I am back on the cliff something jolts and I start falling back towards Earth again.This is my nightmare.
I cannot seem to fully reach God. I want to be standing on the mountain next to Him, my arms stretched wide, saying I made it.
My problem is instead of allowing Him to lift me I try to start climbing this big mountain, called life, alone. It is the control problem I have. I just cannot give it up. Though He humbles me everytime. I get caught up in my abilities, not His, and gravity pulls me down.
Gravity is inevitable. Gravity keeps us from climbing the mountain. Can it be defied? Yes, but only with the power and strength that is not possessed alone. I get it, finally.

I know i am not the only one. Some might think they can do it alone but when they reach the top of their mountain there will be not anyone welcoming them home. They will realize they were climbing the wrong mountain all along. Some might just give up and choose to sit in the valley. Some might not even understand gravity, or even know it exists. Can they see their is a huge mountain to climb? Will they wonder of the beauty on the other side of the mountain? Will they see hope, faith, and trust there is more?If only they knew how beautiful the view is from the top. It is what I fear. I want to tell them that gravity can be defied. That life is absolutely beautiful from the Top. I want them to see what I see. To understand life beyond this valley. I want them to be Born Again.


Matthew 28:19 Go then and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them into the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

It's Simple.

 

Love this.

Do not chase people.

Work hard, live life, and be you.

The right people who belong in your life will come, 

find you

and stay.

Do your thing.

Don't live in fear of being 100% you.

That is all I can do.

Be me

and smile,

unapologetically.

Wearing a Mask {Part 2}

We had the most fun Saturday night for my baby sister's graduation party.

It was 'dress up as a movie character', or more like a costume party.

I was Rapunzel from "Tangled", if you hadn't figured it out.

We also created a fun Photo Booth, I think the adults had more fun with it than the kiddos!

It was beyond ironic, that last night, someone brought up wearing a mask at church.

I thought back to the post I wrote several months ago, titled Wearing A Mask.

You can read it, here.

Because, I am going to be redundant today...

This is a topic that hits home.

For too long I wore a mask.

I tried to pretend my life was perfect.

Maybe not perfect, but definitely that nothing wrong was going on.

Every time I smiled, I felt like a liar.

I felt it was a role I had to play as a Christian.

But it wasn't, and it's not.

I eventually let it go.

I found out

that being your true self is the most 

relieving feeling.

Because He knows my true self, and my sufferings..

Like my Grandma always said, He knows the number of hairs on my head!

I wasn't the only person wearing a mask.

Along this journey, sharing my story with those close,

I was amazed to discover others who were hiding behind one too.

I think of what C.S. Lewis said,

"Friendship is born the moment when one person says to another,

'What! You too? I thought I was the only one!"

If you are hiding behind one and take the courage to let your guard down,

you could, and most likely, will inspire others to take off their mask.

It is a comfort to know that we all have 

pain,

brokenness,

a past...

and that at one time or another we have all hid behind a mask..

And an incredible assurance that we no longer have to!

Before I forget, again. I've been meaning to write this..
Go Spurs Go!
Have I ever mentioned I'm a San Antonio Spurs fan?
My Spurs just dominated in the Western Conference Finals!
...Tim Duncan will always hold a special place in my heart.

(My g-parents, adorable)

Click below to find where I printed the photo props from, if you want to do a photo booth!

FUN PHOTO PROPS!

I printed them on white card stock and hot glued them to skewers.

(I doubled up the card stock to make them hold better)

Then I just draped black material on a wall..

Seriously, so easy and it was the most fun!

Bring On The Rain

As I drove to work, it was a cloudy day with the flash of rain in the distance. I was listening to Pandora and the song playing was, "Bring On The Rain" by Jo Dee Messina. Convenient on a day like this.

I could not get enough of the song. I went to youtube and listened to it again before arriving at my destination. I let the feeling of the lyrics steep a little longer.

My mind went back to the most difficult season in my life, recalling the words, "I am not afraid; I was born to do this." {Joan of Arc}.

That season in my life is the inspiration behind anything good that comes from my writing.

It brought a new form to my life.

Wearing a Mask

Halloween, 

a holiday where you get to dress up as something or someone else. A day you can put on a mask.

I was going through a few Halloween pictures from this year, when this thought occurred. Halloween is not the only time when we wear a mask, or dress up as something we are not.



This post has been sitting in 'Draft' for a couple of weeks now. A tad bit of hesitation keeping it from entering the blogosphere.

You put on a mask, acting like you have it all together, when you are really falling apart inside. Why would you want anyone to discover your life not as perfect as it seems? Anyone ever possess a similar feeling?

I admit to wearing a mask. There has been periods of my life, I could not share what was going on. I acted as if I was great, but He knew better. God could see my anger, frustration, and hurt. At church, around friends, I would put on the 'my life is perfect' mask. I was not fooling him. We try to disguise ourselves, even from God. We try hiding our shame or whatever it might be.

(Quick side note, a little off topic)

Hiding reminds me of Adam and Eve in the garden when they tried hiding from God, after they ate the forbidden fruit and they felt shame. God asked, "Adam, where are you?"

God asking? Have you ever thought of how funny that was? God. Who knows everything. Asking.

Of course, He knew where Adam was hiding. He was making a point. Their sin had separated them from God...

BUT Could you imagine how much more disgrace Adam would have felt if God had asked, "Adam, why are you hiding?" or He could have stated, "I know where you are.".... "Where are you?" sounds more loving and tender hearted. Can you hear the sweet tone in God's voice? Why do we ever try to hide from this kind of God?

(Just had to share that thought. Okay, back on topic)

There have been times I shuffled through masks. Had a different mask, from situation to situation. I would act one way in a certain group, and flop to another being in a another setting. The true self started to shine through the cracks. I found it exhausting pretending all the time. The wear and tear started to show. The mask finally fell off.

Allowing people to peer into the life we are truly living, can be painful. However, once I lost the mask, guess what was waiting for me on the other side? Freedom. Peace. Acceptance....and the realization that no one person's life is perfect.

Why do we do it? ...This topic relates to the one I wrote last month, pleasing people, and wanting acceptance. It is a constant worry "what will people think?"...I had to let it go. The people meant to be in your life will love and accept the real you. You know how I know this? I know my own mistakes, every fault, the true me and for years have still gone on loving me..and God continues to love me.

God sees through the mask. He can see right to our heart. He understands what is really going on inside. Hebrews 4:13

He knows the real you.

Psalm 139:1-4

You have searched me, Lord,

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.
 Before a word is on my tongue

you, Lord, know it completely.

This is an incredibly beautiful song and perfect for this topic.

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true.

-Nathaniel Hawthorne



Running in The Dark (Part 1 of 2)

I realized two things this morning...
One, I get the best ideas for my blog while running, which leads me to... Two, I need to carry pen and paper on my runs. I dislike having a great idea, then when you go two write it down, you draw a blank! Fortunately, I was able to jot down pieces of my thoughts after arriving back at the house.

I detest this time of year for a few reasons. The days grow short, sunlight is scarce, and it leaves me little time for a nice, long run. Lately, it has been pitch dark during my morning runs. I finally discovered this handy little app, a flashlight!

I was trotting along this morning when I discovered a big pothole! Luckily, I had my handy, dandy flashlight. Being completely ready for the hole, I hurdled right over it...whew, thank you flashlight! Then a light when off. (No pun intended.) I had discovered my next blog.

What if I hadn't carried my light? I would have broke an ankle landing in that monstrous pothole!